Follow the goings on in my little world with my little doggy and our exciting new adventure of moving back to Cornwall in August and all the ideas that are coming thick and fast!

Check out Teri's Handmade Home for news about the things I am making for my next home which is still a little way off and Dulcie Days for Dulcie's take on the move and her other antics :-)

Tuesday, 23 March 2010

I Love!

My last few blogs have been very serious and rather sad and today hasn't been any better! Last night mum fell off her chair, this morning she fell down the stairs! A couple of friends are having a tough time and I have felt rather blue! BUT I though that I would write about things that I LOVE! Simple things like:-

I love the sound of the birds singing in the rain
as they were when I was in the bathroom just now,

I love the way my doggy responds to my touch!

I love the sound of my cats purring and the way
my bunny bounces over to see me whenever I pass her cage!

I love the sun as it falls on the houses just before it sets!

I love movies that make me laugh and songs that make me cry

I love getting a text from a friend just to say hi and
getting a letter from a friend who lives a long way away!

I love the Chinese takeaway we're having for tea tonight!

I love to have a reason to indulge in Chocolate Lumpy Bumpy Cake!

And finally I love the smell of Lilies and
the way you can smell them even before you enter the room!

Saturday, 20 March 2010

Learning Tough Lessons


I have been hit hard by an article I read the other day called 'I Surrender' on (In)Courage written by Sara Frankl. Like me she suffers with very restrictive health issues although more severe than mine as she is totally house bound. I went on from her article to her blog Gitzen Girl where she had also written some of the same powerful words that hit me again!

How I came across this was seemingly by chance but I don't believe in chance and do believe in God's guidance!

I get Dayspring Devotions to an email I hardly use anymore and sadly I tend to delete them without even looking at them but today I was sorting out my emails and somehow found myself reading that piece on (In)Courage!

So much of my life mirrors Sara's description of hers in her article although our illnesses are different the effect is the same! (I have already talked about this a bit in my previous blog entries and some of this you might already know about me. But as I went to Sara's blog and added my own comment I felt like it was very powerful and important and so I am bringing it to my blog.)

You know I have ME. I would say it's not very bad and I'm managing it and I'm ok. All those things you tell yourself to hide from the truth and because there are people out there who have so much worse than me! Like my friend who is in hospital with her ME cos she is having trouble breathing, she is in a wheelchair, she can hardly eat and is on morphine for the pain! But reading Sara's article I've had to look at myself a bit more honestly. She talked about fighting it and that is what I am doing. Fighting, fighting, in the hope if I keep fighting it I am doing something, that it might make me better, that I might feel better because I am achieving something! But ME doesn't work like that! If you fight and push and do that something, you suffer for it afterwards!

My poor doggy hadn't had a walk in weeks, maybe months because putting the dog in the car and driving to a field, letting her have a run and then driving home again was too much for me but walking causes discomfort and aches! Never the less something needed to be done. Maybe I could manage a 10 minute walk around the block everyday at least that would be better than nothing. So I took her out but 10 minutes didn't seem enough so we walked for 30. I felt great! What a sense of achievement! So the next day we went for a 20 minute walk despite the fact my calves were sore. The next day I was in agony and resting in bed! It hurt every time I moved and every step downstairs that I couldn't avoid because that is where the toilet is! The last few days have been pretty much a wash out I have been so tired and feeling foggy, struggling to wake up!

And so it is this state I come to Sara's article and then from there to her blog! Knowing that somehow, although I thought I had let God into every area of my life, I was trying to do it alone and that I need to let God into this area too. Allow him into the frustrations of not being to get out for a meal with friends, not being able to go on holiday this year, not being able to get back to my old home to see all the friends I left behind, whom I haven't seen in nearly 6 years and miss like crazy! And it hurts like hell! I'm not sure how to do it! How do I let down those barriers? I struggle to hear His voice! I don't know how to stop burying myself in the internet and little bits of activity I do to let go. The frustrations of not being able to manage to push my little business of selling online the things I make for fun and therapeutic benefit.

I am not totally housebound yet but I'm worried that I will be for a while so I can find out what I CAN do without payback! That God might take me down to zero activity. That things might get even worse than they already are! Isn't that usually the way when God asks you to let go of the control of part of your life? Fear can really get in the way and, as fear does, paralyse you. In this case spiritually!

This all sounds really depressing and it is really emotional for me to write. But it is a beginning of a new journey, one I have no idea of how it will be and where it will take me. Hopefully I am ready to take it, maybe strong enough to step onto it. I want to do what God wants me too and follow His plans for my life! If I didn't, I wouldn't be 36 and still single but I believe that God's plan is perfect and that no matter how hard things are now one day everything will fall into place and I will look back at the tough times and say "so thats why that happened!"

DC Talk sang a song called 'In the Light' and that is where I want to be! In God's light. I will leave you with that to watch courtesy of youtube

Tuesday, 16 March 2010

ME is Pants!


Today is a rant day! I am feeling very depressed and have very painful calves all because I dared to take my dog for a walk not exceeding 30 mins for the last 2 days!

I hate the fact that having ME means that putting the dogs in the car to run on a nearby field is so taxing that I couldn't do it more than once a week so I think lets try and get out for a little walk around the block each day even if it's just for 10 minutes! It's better than what my poor doggy has been getting.

So off we go and the weather is lovely and so we walk a bit further than planned. We had a lovely time and my little doggy was such a good girl and we get home tired but refreshed!

Me and my lovely doggy, Dulcie

The next day I'm a bit tired and rather achy so we don't go so far and again really enjoyed being out in the fresh air which is meant to be good for ME and depression!

But by evening my calves were really hurting! they hurt every time I moved throughout the night and painkillers and ibugel aren't helping!Talking of which I ought to take some more! I consult my ME friends with more experience of dealing with this damn illness and the general feeling is that I am overdoing it already!! Aaaarrrrggghhh!!!!!!!!!! I am so frustrated!!

The sun is shining and I want to be out in it! Instead I am lying on my bed watching tv and pouring all my frustrations out on my computer! Even my doggy has deserted me for the fresh air and lying at the gate watching the world go by!

Saturday, 6 March 2010

When M.E. Gets in the Way

Well today my local ME group that meets once a month is meeting today. For the first time since I started going they are having a meeting where people can share how they are doing and if they have tried any alternative therapies that have worked for them. It would have been great and I'm sure that the group will find it very helpful in a deeply emotional way! There is nothing like talking to people who totally understand how you are feeling from a place of experience especially when it is exhausting having to explain how you're feeling and why!

And I can't go!

This is the reality of having ME. You can't even access things you need to access because events have stripped you of your energy! As has happened to me through the events of the last 48 hours!

It all started by a filling falling out and a visit to the emergency dentist. Now I am a dentist phobic of massive proportions and have all my treatment under sedation. So when I went I wasn't expecting to have any treatment and to have another appointment scheduled. So it was a shock and very upsetting to be faced with an extraction under local anaesthetic or days or weeks of pain while I find an NHS dentist and be referred for sedation! Well I couldn't cope with another night of pain so with tearful trepidation I agreed to have the tooth out.

My Dad was with me and came to hold my hand through the injection, ooh how I hate injections in my mouth! Injection over I now had to wait for it to take effect. Dad went to sit down again because he wasn't feeling well. You might think he was just squeamish and feeling faint but he has a rare heart condition that comes on suddenly and it was doing it now in the middle of my tooth extraction! My mouth was now numb enough to take out my tooth and Dad came to hold my hand again but couldn't stay. In the middle of my tooth coming out he is now feeling really ill and the dental team have divided attentions as they are trying to see if my dad is ok! Well my dad hates hospitals and suddenly he says he thinks he needs an ambulance! Ok so I'm now toothless and very worried about my dad. He is very pale and pasty! The dental staff are getting out oxygen and defibrillator (which he won't need) and unpacking all the bits so it's ready if needed while I have a pack in my mouth to stop the bleeding! Then the dental nurse accidentally presses a button on the defibrillator and it starts talking very loudly about stripping the patients clothes off before launching into instructions on how to use it! It made us laugh as she quickly whisks the machine off down the hall still loudly instructing her how to revive the patient! Dad is beginning to look and feel better as is usual with these attacks and then the ambulance arrives. They talk to him about the medication he's taken and how's he's feeling while I'm shooed out of the room for no real reason which was a shame as I held an important piece of information but thats ok cos I can impart that later in the ambulance. Based on the fact that I've had a tooth out and probably a bit shocked because of Dads collapse it is agreed I'll abandon the car, go in the ambulance and come back for the car tomorrow.

So in the ambulance dad is talking about how he didn't get any warning and had only taken 3 tablets (to reduce his blood pressure) when I said my bit. "you did get warning dad. You took a tablet at 6.30!" He had forgotten and that meant that he had taken too many tablets which explains why his blood pressure was through the floor! The ambulance man explained that he would only ever administer half that while dad had been told he could take 3 he had actually taken 4! It was very funny, you should have seen the twinkle in the ambulance mans eyes every time he recounted to the necessary member of staff that dad had taken FOUR tablets!

Well we arrived at A&E at 7.45 and had to wait in the corridor for a while before getting seen by the nurse who ran the usual tests ECG, Blood sugar level, blood pressure which is, by now, looking more normal. We are expecting that the dr will look at the ECG and then sign him off and we'd be home at 9pm or a little after. Well at just before 9pm and then I rang mum to tell her that. I went back to Dad to find they were doing a round of blood tests and would need to take another lot in 90 mins! That is when I wilted and said thats enough for me! Dad bargained with the dr that he would stay for tests if the dr would get me the painkillers that had been promised me, for which I had also had to register as a patient, as the anaesthetic was wearing off and I was beginning to hurt! Tablets were administered then I went and phoned mum again arranging for her to come down by taxi and me to take her taxi home where I finally got to have some dinner! Mum and Dad finally arrived home at 11.30 and we then had a takeaway as neither of them had eaten! By the time I got to bed it was 1am!

The next day we had to get a taxi to take us to the bank to get some money (my MOT had been on thursday and I needed the money to pay for it) and then on to the dentist to pick up the car. I hadn't had breakfast and it was lunchtime so after getting the car we had to drive around to find something to eat, missing the chip shop by just 2 minutes, we eventually found a bakers. We then had to pop in a couple of shops for some necessities then get some petrol and finally home by which time I was very tired.

I was still hopeful that I would make the meeting today but unfortuanately as one of my ME friends warned me the stress of all of this has intensified my tiredness. Well I hope the meeting goes really well and they decide to do it more often. I look forward to hearing all about it all. My day today will mean staying in a bed and resting. And it is from there that I am writing this. Hopefully if I take it easy today and tomorrow I will be well enough to help mum with food shopping on Monday!

Monday, 1 March 2010


I am aware that you are unable to leave comments now! I am looking into the problem and hope to have it fixed soon! Please be patient with me and come back later to try again!

Thank you

TAG! You're it!

Here's a bit of fun! I just got tagged by Scarlet Butterfly ... go check out her lovely blog where her picture is of her parents wedding!

The rules of this tag are:
1. open your first photo folder
2. scroll to the tenth photo
3. post the photo and the story behind it
4. tag five or more people

.... so this is my picture ....

This our Bessie! She is about 3 or 4 weeks old here! We were very privileged to have been able to been able to know her from birth as my doggy, Dulcie had 8 puppies Jan 2009! Bessie is asleep in her doggy mummy's bed! Bess was one of the easiest puppies to identify with that cute little white spot on her rump! Now she's a year old it is lovely to look back at the oh so cute baby pictures!

So here is who I am tagging ... have fun and I can't wait to see all your photos!

Beaded Tail
The Blooming Wildflowers Project
Understanding Severe ME
Counter Cultural Mum
The Shabby Chic Cottage

Love Teri xxx