Singles Summit

HI All,

I just wanted to share with you about a TV program on Sky (or Free Satellite) It's called Singles Summit and it is aired on KICCTV. It is really good to be able to watch a Pastor speak specifically to singles in a God filled message!

For those of us that find it hard to concentrate on sermons, these come in nice comfortable 30 minute slots!

Some of the sessions are specifically aimed at those of us who are over 30. It is so refreshing to hear a man of God say that it is rare to be called to singleness permanently and that it is denial to say that we are ok on our own and don't need that relationship that God ordained from the beginning of Life! Pastor Matthew also talked about cycles in our lives that happen every 6 months where in one cycle we accept our singleness and know that God has it in control and then in another cycle how we cry out to God with our whole being and offer compromises like "Anyone will do!" "I'll go to Africa instead, Lord and work full time for you!". I can so identify with that and I bet you do too.

I have found so much truth and encouragement in these sessions and take time to watch another session. I have spent so much time crying over the thoughtless things that married Christians say. The absolute worst being "when you tell God you don't want/need a husband, that's when God will send him to you!" When your whole being cries out for something you can't just let it go and say you don't want it anymore. That statement encourages hypocrisy and denial! God understands your deep desire and he knows how important it is to you. He also knows who is right for you and when is right for you and so we have to continually trust in our Father that He will bring this to pass in His timing and acknowledge that His timing is best for you/me /us.

On an update on how I am doing, I start group therapy at the end of October. I believe this is important not only for my mental health but also for me as a Christian single. I am praying that this will help me overcome problems in my life that are barriers to me meeting and marrying the man God has for me! I have recently realised that all the men in my life, my father, brother, abuser, friends have left me with hangups about relating to men. Now while I have only just realised this, God has always known it and He is helping me to this realisation so that I can face it, deal with it and move on!

I hope that you will be able to find your way to viewing these sessions and finding Gods truths through it. If you don't have sky, try to find a friend who could record them for you.

God Bless You greatly as you meet with Him during this time.

Wretched

I’m feeling utterly wretched today! I wish I could say it was just a bad day and that I would feel better tomorrow but I have felt like this for the last couple if days! If my Dad is pleasant and cheery I just feel really cross at him just because he is happy, I find it annoying. I Love my Dad, really I do, but I just can’t help or understand how I feel! Is it PMT? I used to be on the pill to regulate my periods but since being put on antidepressants. I have as a consequence put on weight and am at risk of a stroke if I remain on the Pill, therefore, I am suffering PMT for the first time ever! I am a total Bitch when I have it and as my periods are no longer every 4 weeks I don’t know when my period is coming and I don’t realise that I am suffering from PMT. I feel utterly cross all the time, it never seems to lift! Does anyone out there have any tips for dealing with PMT and for my parents, living with it? Why do I feel so cross? It is a horrid feeling.

I have so many lovely things around me and much to be happy about. Right this minute I have a lovely little dog lying asleep next to me, snoring slightly. Although she hasn’t been the best-behaved dog today. I had to laugh when I took her for a walk. I was sure there was no water around for her to wallow in, as she likes to do, but after she had run around for a while she ran over to a building currently being built and there was a trench filled with water! By the time I got over there She was thoroughly wet and muddy and very happy!

Well I guess there is no easy answer to how I feel, but if I find anything that helps me, I will share it with you! I do hope there is something out there otherwise I will have to just live through the wretched moods!

What a difference a......blog makes

I never thought writing a blog when I was feeling down would make such a difference! After writing my last blog I went away and did some research about treatment of PMT (or PMS as my doctor called it). Within minutes I had found out about various herbal treatments and was beginning to feel more positive. After a bit more research I found out about Agnus Castus which is from the berries of the Caste Tree. It is said to really help with the mood swings and the depression.

The next day I spoke to my Pharmacist about whether it would clash with my antidepressants (Mirtazapine) and as they didn't know they said they would come back to me, which they did a couple of days later. They couldn't find any contraindications but advised me just to check it out with my doctor. By now I was feeling better because I was back in control, I knew why I was feeling so bad and I was taking matters into my own hands by doing the research etc.

I saw my doctor yesterday (by which time ,with my period nearly over, I was feeling almost normal!) and she was very understanding. She said there was no proof of the helpfulness of herbal remedies but there was no clash with my medication. She said she was happy for me to try if it helped me even if that was just by giving a placebo effect. She also outlined other possible alternatives if the Agnus Castus doesn't work but I am going to try this for 3 months first.

The other thing that came out of my last blog was that a close friend contacted me to tell me how worried she was about me and to make some suggestions of her own to try. I was really touched by her help and most or all her concern about me! So my dear friend, you know who you are, a big thank you for being there as you always are!!!

Angry Moods

I’m feeling utterly wretched today! I wish I could say it was just a bad day and that I would feel better tomorrow but I have felt like this for the last couple if days! If my Dad is pleasant and cheery I just feel really cross at him just because he is happy, I find it annoying. I Love my Dad, really I do, but I just can’t help or understand how I feel! Is it PMT? I used to be on the pill to regulate my periods but since being put on antidepressants. I have as a consequence put on weight and am at risk of a stroke if I remain on the Pill, therefore, I am suffering PMT for the first time ever! I am a total Bitch when I have it and as my periods are no longer every 4 weeks I don’t know when my period is coming and I don’t realise that I am suffering from PMT. I feel utterly cross all the time, it never seems to lift! Does anyone out there have any tips for dealing with PMT and for my parents, living with it? Why do I feel so cross? It is a horrid feeling.

I have so many lovely things around me and much to be happy about. Right this minute I have a lovely little dog lying asleep next to me, snoring slightly. Although she hasn’t been the best-behaved dog today I had to laugh when I took her for a walk. I was sure there was no water around for her to wallow in, as she likes to do, but after she had run around for a while she ran over to a building currently being built and there was a trench filled with water! By the time I got over there She was thoroughly wet and muddy and very happy!

Well I guess there is no easy answer to how I feel, but if I find anything that helps me, I will share it with you! I do hope there is something out there otherwise I will have to just live through the wretched moods!

Well It's Been A While...

It has been a couple of months since my last blog so this is going to be a little up date on all my subjects to let you know how I'm doing.

Firstly, the detox. Oh my! what hard work that was! I lasted 2 weeks out of the 4 it was meant to be! It was supposed to give me more energy and hopefully help with losing weight! It made me more tired and that didn't wear off. I found there was a lack of good varied recipes, by the end of those 2 weeks I was fed up of sauces with tomatoes in as everything seemed to taste of tomatoes! I think part of the reason it didn't work for me was because of suffering with ME. I have found I need meat!!!

On the other hand, it was such a success for my parents that my mum is going back on it! Dad, as a result of the detox has discovered that he has an intolerance to wheat and soya as well as the lactose one he already has and that he is fine with red meat but not white. So, as you can imagine, cooking for dad is rather more challenging now!! Mum has had the most remarkable results though. She was on very strong painkillers for her arthritis every 6 hours and even those didn't kill the pain, they only took the edge off and sometimes didn't even do that! She now takes them only when needed, about once every 2 days, and when she does take them the painkillers actually do kill the pain!!

So although the detox didn't work for me, it may be worth a try as it worked so well for my mum!!

Unfortunately, since then it looks like I have acquired an intolerance to milk. It has been something I have been rebelling against for quite a while now. I thought it might have been causing the catarrh I was getting but that wasn't enough to put me off, however, recently, it has been affecting me more severely and I don't think I can keep ignoring it. I am not having cereals now and I'm cutting down how much milk I have in the hope that I can still have some on occasion as I really don't like the alternatives! Here's hoping

Moving onto the subject of counselling, I got a letter to tell me that I had been referred to the Community Mental Health Team for counselling but there was a long waiting list of several months and so I am still waiting for an appointment!

As for being single, it is still something I am struggling with!

I have a friend who is moving away soon and she already has someone in her new area in mind for me!! perfect in many ways but with an age gap that would concern me...not that his age, personality etc is the point, I have to stop myself grabbing hold of the idea of him being the right person for me! While I am open to the possibility that God will bring my husband to me through her I need to again step back and leave God to work out the details!

Recently, GOD TV were broadcasting from Jerusalem and provided everyone with the ability to present their requests to God by placing them on the altar in Jerusalem, among other things I presented the request to God again for my husband.

I have just added a book to my book list - When God Writes Your Love Story by Eric and Leslie Ludy. They suggest that you do things for your husband now that he can appreciate when you meet. One of them wrote letters which they gave to the other on their wedding night. Well I started doing that at a time when I was finding it especially hard, writing letters and making valentines cards. You might think I'm mad but I hope it will be something special to him when he does get them! However, it was a bit upsetting the other day when I realised that I had now been writing to him for 4 years! Again, I had to go back to God and cry out to him! I talked to a friend but as ever friends can be there for you but they do not have the answer! But I pray to God, please let it be this year! And if you like me are waiting for your special someone, and have been waiting a long while,! then I pray that prayer for you too. Oh Lord, please let it be soon!

Well it is getting late and I do need my sleep as I think does this computer it seems to be slowing down!!!

I pray that you will have found encouragement in this blog. If you have then please do contact me and let me know, you can leave a message to this thread if you don''t mind sharing your thoughts with other readers or you can email me direct. I would love to hear from you.

God be with you

Teri xxx

28 Days of Detox Starts Here!

Well I have just had my first meal on my new detox diet!!! I have to say that porridge without any sugar is most unappetising! It had seeds added but I wouldn't really try to eat it 'til I had added some sultanas. I then managed to eat most of it but it was a struggle. I hope it gets easier.

I like nuts and fruit and most vegetables and for the last month have had practically no meat. The hardest part of the detox is, therefore, dropping milk and sugar and (sob sob) chocolate!! All this in the hope that I will start to feel more awake and have more energy with the possible side effect of losing some weight and, boy, do I need to do that!!

At least I'm not alone. My family are on this detox too. Hopefully we will all see positive effects within the first couple of weeks. I had better go and get a glass of water now as I have to drink 8 glasses today!

Well I will keep you posted on the joys of Detox over the next 28 days.

For the rest of you out there enjoy your day and your coffee, chocolate and wine!!!

What a Day

What a day we have had! Do you believe in things happening in threes? I don't and based on today I have good reason. In our house it's a case of why stop at three?!

This morning the first main thing to happen was that my mum tripped up the steps in the garden and she grazed her shin right next to scarring from an injury from two years ago which left the skin on that leg very vulnerable. I put some antiseptic cream and a dressing on for her and then we went shopping.

When we got back we unpacked the shopping. My mum dropped a glass salt mill on the floor which we cleared up. A while later I walked into the kitchen and stepped hard on a bit of glass we missed in bare feet! It bled a bit and hurt a lot!

Then I was looking for my glasses and grazed my arm on the table beside my chair!
at Tea time my mum nearly went flying when she tripped over Dad's feet (Big feet, small lounge!) and then later I nearly fell down the stairs moving the clothes horse across the landing! All this in addition to the usual amount of people dropping things!

There is one thing that is certain, there really is never a dull moment in this house!!!

He's Already Here!

It's nearly 2am and I should be going to sleep but as I was winding down and listening to music I heard a lovely song that sounded like it should be from God to us.

I'm feeling down tonight but this song has really spoken to me. It's called 'I'm Already There'.

It's all about relationships but it starts off with a child asking his daddy when He was coming home and he replied "I'm already there"

A little voice came on the phone
Said daddy when you coming home
He said the first thing that came to his mind

I'm already there
Take a look around
I'm the sunshine in your hair
I'm the shadow on the ground
I'm the whisper in the wind
I'm your imaginary friend
I know I'm in your prayers
Oh I'm already there

I'm already there
Don't make a sound
I'm the beat in your heart
I'm the moonlight shining down
I'm the whisper in the wind
And I'll be there until the end
Can you feel the love that we share
Oh I'm already there

We may be a thousand miles apart
But I'll be with you wherever you are

I'm already there
Take a look around
I'm the sunshine in your hair
I'm the shadow on the ground
I'm the whisper in the wind
And I'll be there until the end

Can you feel the love that we share
Oh I'm already there

It's so lovely I almost have tears in my eyes! This is what I'm taking to bed with me tonight. God is here with me even before I ask him to! He always will be, through rain or shine, through laughter and pain, through my times of deep despair and unhappiness, He is there and he will love me until the end of time!! The whisper in the Wind. I pray that you will know His Love and Peace with you today too.

God Bless You

I'm all for an easy life

I'm trying to simplify my life and today I ended up getting into a row with my mum about it!!

Well actually it wasn't really a row; we were doing the shopping and as we loaded it into the car one of the bags broke and as we had a bag with us that was a re-usable bag and mostly empty I just dropped the broken bag and contents into the bag.

To me it was the simplest and most obvious thing to do! To mum, who had left her handbag at home and just brought her purse and keys, that was her handbag and it was inconvenient to her to have me throw some groceries in it!

While I need to continue my efforts to simplify my life I have learned that I need to take a moment to consider the effects of my actions on others around me!!

My mum and I have a good relationship and we got over it quite quickly but the idea of an easy life might work well for me in my mind but not necessarily those around me.

I am not going to change trying to simplify my life because I need to reduce the amount of stress I am under in particular spending time and energy trying to work things out when a simple solution is at hand but I am going to just take a moment lo nger to consider the effects of my actions on those around me!

The Day I Hit My Dad

Well it's been a while since I last wrote. The main reason being that my doctor changed my antidepressants and they have knocked me for six!

For the first 3 days I did practically nothing but sleep then when I felt more awake I did lots of activities and tired myself out again! Since then I have been feeling rather tired and very strange! I can't really explain what it is I am feeling so if I'm not feeling better by the end of the week I will be going back to the doctor to see if she can work it out! I hope I feel better soon though because it is quite hard to cope with that and everything else that goes on day to day, not least my mental health in general.

While I have been trying to adjust to the new tablets I received a letter from the Community Mental Health team following my assessment and I have been referred to another department and a few days later I heard from them and found that there might be a waiting list of several months. I hope it is much less than that because I have been really down and my moods have been erratic recently. I feel worse than I ever have and more in need of counselling. I have never before actually felt I needed counselling!

I have been finding my dad (who also suffers from depression) really hard to cope with recently and it is really difficult to see if that is because of how he is or how I am or both! Where I have been in the best position to understand how he feels before I now seem to have NO patience with him or sympathy for him! For the first time ever I actually physically lashed out at him last week. I was able to put some control into it so I just smacked him twice on his knee as I passed his chair but I wanted to thump him or something! That really worried me! The Mental health department contacted me to let me know they were going to take on my case and to ask for information about how I was. I was very specific and told them I had hit my dad because I don't like being out of control and I really want to get help before it becomes a problem I can't control!! I didn't ever think I would be capable of this!!

This might be quite uncomfortable for people to read but I am being totally honest because I want anyone who stumbles upon my blog to see that these kind of emotions can overtake anyone and not to be ashamed to admit it or ask for help. I am not ashamed of what I have done because it has a root and the shame is in letting those emotions rule you and NOT get help to control them! I will continue to share how things go so that you will see how to deal with similar problems or help those in similar situations.

I am away at a friends this week so that I can have some space away from my dad and the situation and to have some fun in the hope that when I return home my moods will have settled down and I will feel happier and more secure! My friend has a kitten and it is the first time He and Dulcie will have met so we are both looking forward to seeing how they react to each other. Keep your eyes open as I will post any fun videos or cute pictures of them both!

Well I am going to sign off now.

Wishing you all well throughout the days ahead

God Bless

Teri

Oh No! Not Valentines Day Again!

Valentines day again! That day when most singles feel like life isn't worth living if they haven't got a date or at the very least one valentines card!!! I have never received a valentines card in my life! Sooo depressing!!

I was chatting to a friend today and she was telling me that Americans have valentines cards for all kinds of relationships, friends, family etc and it made me think that Valentines day should be a day that celebrates all kinds of Love not just romantic Love!

So I would like to tell my parents and family how much I love them, how much I appreciate all they do and have ever done for me. For taking me back in when I got poorly and looking after me and always being there for me and loving me!

To my friends I love you all very much! Thank you for all the support you give me and for always being there! You all have such very special gifts and I am proud to be your friend!

I'm not feeling very down today although I am very tired having had a change in medication for depression. Apparently they make you sleepy!

Moving Forward

Today I went to see a Community Mental Health Specialist (my that sounds awfully dramatic!) It was an assessment for counselling. I have decided that now is the time to face the abuse that I received as a child head on! I was sexually abused by my brother’s best friend. I believe it has a lot to do with my single state. It affects my attitude to men and my subconscious vibes. I have been told before that when I am on my own I give off a ‘hands off’ air! However now is the time to allow myself the chance to move forward leaving all that behind me!!

It was really strange, I wasn't nervous and the meeting went very well and I was very calm both during and after, though it was very tiring. It will be a week or so until I know what help I'm being assigned and I will share what happens on my blog so you can follow my progress! I hope this inspires you to face your gremlins too.

The way I see it, although I hate being single and watching the years go by without the answer to my hearts desire, I need to use this time to make me the best possible me I can be. It is an opportunity to face my problems and fears and conquer them! Marriage is hard enough without carrying in a lot of emotional baggage!

I have also started working through a book called 'Mind Over Mood'. It has really helped me in just the first chapter to pull together all the problems I have in my past and the effects they have had on me. It helped me prepare for my counselling assessment and I believed that was why I was so calm. It shows you how your environment changes and life situations have an affect on your physical health, moods, behaviour, and thoughts and how by making changes in just one of those areas affects all the other areas! There are worksheets in the book to enable you to apply what you are reading to your own life. I highly recommend it.

I do hope you will follow my progress and find the strength to face your fears or help someone to face theirs!

The Jewel In My Crown

I was talking to a friend last night and one thing we talked about was the need for honesty. How can a guy know a girl likes him if the girl doesn't tell him? Well I am going to be honest with you as I have been increasingly so with my friends and family because I believe it is important for people to be able to talk about subjects that may be embarrassing.

When I was in school I made up having a boyfriend when I was 12 because if I had admitted that I didn't have one I would have been teased dreadfully. By 16 I was warding off comments about my sexual activity by refusing to answer because If I admitted to being a virgin, I would never have lived it down and trust me they had enough to make fun of me without me adding fuel to the fire! So how about this for fuel? I am 34 and still a virgin! (Now if you're a guy reading this that was not an invitation or a challenge!) I am still a virgin because I have not had the blessing of a husband and I decided long ago that I would follow Gods Word and give myself to only one man, my husband! Unfortunately, I am still waiting, crying to God for answers as to why I am still single and waiting, patiently, impatiently but always faithfully!

Well a couple of nights ago as I was thinking about a friend of mine. In total honesty I told him I was a virgin and he said to me that being a virgin was a very desirable trait to a man and he wasn't a Christian. As I was thinking about that I realised that my virginity is not something to be ashamed of but in fact it is 'THE JEWEL IN MY CROWN'

Psalm for the Lonely

Hi,

I know it has been a while since I wrote my last Blog. I told you I wasn't any good at keeping daily diaries! It also helps when you know people are actually reading it!

I have been really struggling with being single since I last wrote and one night when I was feeling really lonely and I was struggling to sleep a few lines of a poem or song came to me and I had to get up and write them down. The rest of the Psalm followed and I would like to share it with you in the hope it will encourage you as it has me.

Lonely, I'm Lonely

Without you here

Only, I'm only

Alone when you're not near

Hurting, I'm Hurting

Through trouble and strife

Searching, I'm Searching

Your will in my life

Teach me, Oh Teach me

To wait on you Lord

Help me, Oh Help me

To trust in your Word

For you, oh Lord, know me inside and out

You know my dreams without any doubt

You see the whole picture, You are the key

Your plans are the best of life for me

Keep me on your narrow path, show me the way

Lead me, Oh Lead me day by day by day.

Feel free to share this with your friends if you wish. I want to see Gods kingdom furthered and am not concerned with personal gain.

I was feeling very depressed when I wrote this but as wretched as I felt I could not write a poem with out any hope or reflection of my trust in God even when so often I struggle to keep that trust. I want you to know that whatever troubles you are going through I understand how hard it is for you to keep hoping and trusting God. I have failed so often in that and cried out to God. Does he even hear? Why does he not answer? Why is it that I seem so unimportant to Him? I don't have the answers to why God should take his time answering our prayers, our dreams, the desires that burn our very hearts but I can share with you that even in this time of endless waiting God is revealing more of his desires to me, for me. That I am right to keep waiting, hoping, praying and to wait for Him to do it in His way, His time even though I wonder why I wait so faithfully. He is a God of honour and He will honour our sacrifices for Him. Many time have I cried for God to do something, hurry up, I have tried to be open to different ways God could lead me to my husband even going onto Christian dating internet sites. You know maybe God wants me to do something before He will. I have given up on the dating sites. They are just another place to feel rejected and I don't believe that for me that is where God wants me to be. So I am back here, unable to do anything for myself and trusting, trusting God to write me a beautiful, romantic, perfect, GODLY love story.

My God is a God of miracles and over the last couple of years my friends have been receiving God's miracles in the form of babies that without God they couldn't have had. I believe it is time for us to rise up in prayer and claim God's miracles in our lives in the form of our perfect partner! (please don't think I'm looking for a perfect man. I'm looking for the man who is perfect for me!) Join me today to say to God "Rise up mighty men and women who are faithful to you and your word and bring them to us that we might see the perfect miracle from you in our lives. That this trial of singleness will finally end!" Amen

Dear friends I hope that you will find God's peace through these words I have shared with you today and that you will know God's perfect will in your life. God be with you 'til next time